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| Dad's IHOPping mad, and that makes the kids anxious |
By Dad
The kids say their Dad sometimes embarrasses them in public by making a fuss. I call it “Standing up for your rights.”
We were at the IHOP just off Harlem’s 125th Street on a recent Sunday, and the crowd waiting for breakfast was pretty big (that's big as in numerous, not girth, though too many breakfasts at IHOP and you could fit both bills).
Despite the throng, the maître d’ – which is French for maître d’, though that's such a highfalutin name that it's pronounced seat-ing-att-en-dant at IHOP – seated us within 10-minutes.
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| Kids: IHOP Dad doesn't make a scene |
The annoying thing about these sheets is that the coloring exercises sing the praises of the very meals you've ordered, making your wait all the more torturous.
The sheets also come with infuriatingly thin crayons that snap at the lightest touch. This leaves your kids with nothing to do except pester you about the absent meals.
I called over our waiter, who assured me of the imminent arrival of Penny's pancakes and Cathy's grilled cheese sandwich (Dora had wisely stayed home). After another 10 minutes of no food, I cast my eye about for a manager.
Evasive Answer
Like cops, you can never find one when you need one, so over I went to a cash register, where a young waitress told me I'd have to be more specific about who I wanted to talk to.
"There are several managers,” she said.
Really. Was I likely to be looking for anyone but the manager? Her ambiguity did nothing to slow my rising temperature.
“Any establishment has only one overall manager,” I blurted out. “Otherwise there would be chaos.”
As the waitress gave me the name of the purported owner, I could see the kids getting nervous.
I knew what they were thinking because they've expressed their discomfort in the past when I've, shall we say, defended our turf: “It’s embarrassing; people are looking…”
"Everything's fine," I said as I persisted in trying to connect with the owner.
By now the waitress had involved a dining room manager, who – in that maddening practice that's clearly from some customer-service playbook – feigned she knew nothing of the whole sorry episode.
Dining-room manager: "Is there a problem here, sir?"
My hair-trigger thought: "Of course there's a friggin' problem."
My actual words: "You know there is a problem since it's just been explained to you."
She proved I was right when she showed that even the owner was now up-to-speed on the unfolding drama.
She said he was "too busy" to come out from the back to see me, but that he would speak to me by phone if I went to the reception counter.
How bizarre. This owner was but 15 paces away through the kitchen door, yet I had to walk 15 paces in the other direction to speak with him.*
Now the kids asked what I planned to say. Would I shout? Would they have to slide under the table to avoid embarrassment?
They looked a little dejected as I headed for the reception area.
Discussion
I’ve never yelled with the kids in tow. But I will get into a heated discussion when (in my balanced opinion, of course) the other party is not making sense.
And this owner was not making sense.
After patronizing me with the usual of roll-off-the-tongue apologies, he said the kitchen staff had been backed up.
What nonsense, I retorted. If that were so, how come tables-full of other patrons seated after us got served before us?
In a court of law, I might have won with this irrefutable argument. Any learned judge would have awarded me compensatory damages (the cost of the meal), punitive damages (a coupon for a return visit), and maybe even damages for my pain, suffering and emotional distress (which, after my chat with the owner, was considerable).
But in IHOP that day I got more customer service pleasantries (totally nauseating), a pledge from the owner that he would “talk to the staff” (what do I care?), and an offer to knock 50% off the bill (mildly interesting – perhaps we could eat 50% of the meal and pay nothing).
My inclination was to walk out, but the girls would not have liked that. Already, the fun of visiting the IHOP had gone, and there was no way they’d get excited about going somewhere else.
The food came, we ate it in virtual silence, then left.
Relieved
Penny appeared relieved it was all over. Cathy spoke in my defense: “You had to talk to them because otherwise we would have been there all night.” Too right (even though it was morning time).
Spotting a Dunkin’ Donuts across the road, I suggested we get a sugar fix. Half an hour and a few donuts later, all was forgotten – until the next time.
* Point of Fact: This particular IHOP is the first in the country to install bullet-proof glass in its 24-hour service booth. Maybe this hints as to why the owner shirks mixing with dissatisfied patrons, other than by phone. Click here for story.
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Kids rate their parents:
Top 10 most embarrassing things about parents
1. The things they say
2. Music tastes
3. Dance moves
4. The way they dress
5. Generally uncool
6. How strict they are
7. Their age
8. Their hairstyle
9. They don’t have much money
10. Their hobbies
Top 20 things parents do that embarrass their children
1. Kiss/cuddle me in public
2. Tell stories about me as a child
3. Say ‘don’t show off’ when I’m with my friends
4. Sing in public
5. Shout/sing with car window open when
dropping you off
6. Lick their finger and wipe dirt off their face
7. Dance in public
8. Shout or tell me off in public
9. Try to wear cool clothes
10. Complain in shops/restaurants
11. They treat me like a child, but I’m an adult
12. Use baby/nicknames in front of others
13. Wear old fashioned clothes
14. Try to be cool in front of my friends
15. Hold my hand in public
16. Upload pictures of me to Facebook
17. Hang around when I have friends over
18. Love shopping in charity shops
19. Try to haggle in shops
20. Show friends/partners my baby photos
Lists from a parental guidance report on a Comedy Central UK survey.
